How to Grieve the Unfulfilled Promises of Diet Culture

I’ve been in a number of conversations lately that meandered to a place my clients didn’t expect–grief. As they share with me the various ways in which they have disconnected from their bodies, and how they first came to believe that their bodies were a problem to be fixed, they realize just how many promises diet culture made to them. And failed to fulfill.

They came into contact with everything they’ve left behind to fit in, feel acceptable, and feel enough in this world.

And how they’ve manipulated food and tried to control their eating and their bodies.

They uncover new understandings about what they’ve internalized about themselves through all of this efforting and striving and hustling.

And they meet grief.

Kori with wounds on her face and grief inside as she realizes how much diet culture robbed from her life — It was a bike accident that changed how I looked that was yet another reminder of how much stock I was putting on my appearance. I had internalized worthiness beliefs that I was unaware of until these sorts of experiences.

We meet the grief around all the life we’ve not been present for because of the obsessional focus on food and our bodies.

We step into the grief of letting go and feeling the loss of something that felt like it was, but never could be, what would make us feel whole and worthy.

We grieve the death of a dream.

The dream of being a certain type of beautiful.

The dream of a body coveted.

The dream of a feeling of ultimate control and discipline.

The dream of happiness and power because we finally achieved this pinnacle of fitness.

The dream of an appearance that represents having it all.

The dream of respect, and idealization, and validation, and acceptance.

I am working with a woman who has had multiple surgeries to her spine and now has fused vertebrae.

She has one knee replacement and will be having the other replaced soon.

She can’t resistance train like she used to.

She can’t squat.

She can’t jump on her horse with ease like she could earlier in her life.

She can’t do a lot of the activities that brought her so much joy before.

She’s been on every diet.

She’s gained weight.

Feeling like a failure.

Feeling like she should be able to do those things.

She’s being viewed by others as lazy and unmotivated.

And the more she pushes herself, the more she’s laid flat out, her body screaming for her to stop.

When I mentioned that she’s suffered so many losses, and asked her if she has grieved them, she said, “I never thought about grief.”

Why would she?

We live in a culture that promotes getting over it, working harder, husting, efforting, striving, and thinking our way toward exceptionalism and perfection.

There are no shortage of products that we can buy and services we can jump into in order to OPTIMIZE, DEFY, TRANSFORM, CONTROL, and FIGHT reality.

And we reckon with and grieve diet culture’s unfulfilled promises.

But another topic for another day.

Grief.

Grief asks us to meet the loss.

To touch into the disappointment.

To invite a gentleness that acknowledges that things have changed and are not as we would like them to be or wish they would be.

But grief can also lead us to passion and fury directed outside of ourselves.

At the systems that we’ve believed were really working in our favor but had ulterior motives.

Grief can lead us back to ourselves, to reconnect with what matters, with who we are inside.

Do you have grief to connect with?

Would you like to spread a more compassionate message?

One that supports the belief that our are our bodies are not problems to be fixed or controlled…

And gives everyone their agency back in the face of a system that cares not about their true health and wellbeing?

Would you like to embody the belief that your body is wise and inspiring?

I know we can do that…together.

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The Confident Coping Without Food System is the experience you need if food and body freedom is your ultimate aim! This program is a 16-week online program with a built-in support community and personalized weekly check-ins with Dr. Kori designed to liberate you from rigid eating practices, compulsive eating, body image struggles, and overwhelming emotions so you can take your control back and experience greater peace with food and your body.
Check out my top-rated online course, End Emotional Eating & Change Your Relationship with Food! Jam-packed with resources to support your development of new skills, it’s self-paced to accommodate your busy schedule and learning needs.
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