How to Overcome Self-Sabotage & Never Say “I know what to do; I just don’t do it!” (Video)
Do you ever hear yourself say, “I know what to do; I just don’t do it”? Feel like self-sabotage is your middle name?
I get it. You feel frustrated, like you can’t just get it together and take action toward your goals. And you’re sick and tired of getting in your own way.
You’re not alone—and you’re not broken.
The first thing I want you to know is that self-sabotage is often misunderstood. We beat ourselves up when our actions don’t align with what we say we want. But what we don’t always realize is that our behaviors—yes, even the ones that feel like self-sabotage—are often serving a deeper purpose.
TLDR? Watch the video instead!
Is It Really Sabotage? Or Is It Self-Protection?
At some point, the patterns we struggle with now were actually useful. They may have helped us stay safe, avoid pain, or gain a sense of control. Let’s take a look at what’s really happening beneath the surface.
Example 1: Fear of Vulnerability in Dating
A client of mine, recently divorced, has started online dating. He’s met a woman he describes as gorgeous, open, honest, and inquisitive. He enjoys their conversations and wants to be equally open in return. But every now and then, he finds himself holding back. A wall comes up, and he hesitates to share certain things.
He wonders: Am I sabotaging myself?
When we looked deeper, we discovered a pattern. In his last relationship, he was accused of being dishonest and even called a “salesman” by his ex. When he tried to share his real thoughts and feelings, he was berated. Over time, he learned to shut down to protect himself.
Now, he truly wants intimacy and connection. But his nervous system remembers past rejection. The hesitation isn’t random—it’s a learned form of self-protection.
Example 2: Emotional Eating
Let’s look at another common experience.
You want to fuel your body in a balanced way. You want to make choices that support your energy and well-being. But you notice that when you feel emotionally activated—sad, anxious, frustrated, worried—you reach for food, even when you’re not hungry.
Is this self-sabotage? Or is it a way of coping with difficult emotions?
Ask yourself:
- What is my relationship with uncomfortable emotions?
- Have I learned to fix, avoid, or shut them down?
- Growing up, were certain emotions unacceptable in my household?
One of my clients learned at a young age that it wasn’t okay to express sadness or discontent. When she felt like crying, she was told to go away. So she did—retreating into herself and soothing with sweet, comforting foods instead.
She thought her problem was food. But the real challenge was that she had never been given the tools to experience, process, and move through her emotions.
Moving Forward: Getting to Self-Compassion
If you’ve been struggling with self-sabotage, I invite you to shift your perspective.
Your patterns aren’t proof that you’re lazy, broken, or lacking willpower. They’re protective strategies that once made sense—but may no longer serve you.
And that’s where the real work begins.
Because it’s not just about what you need to do—it’s about how you create lasting change.
Do you need support with the how? Let’s talk.
How to Get Support!
Check out The Confident Coping Without Food System, a 16-week virtual course with built-in support and weekly check-ins designed to liberate you from rigid dieting practices, achieve emotional mastery, let go of the all-or-nothing mindset that makes you feel stuck, and gives you the tools for choosing coping methods that won’t sabotage your health goals!
Check out my online, self-paced course, End Emotional Eating & Change Your Relationship with Food, that over 400 students have taken, is top-rated, and jam-packed with resources to support your development of new skills!
I also offer virtual 1:1 life coaching or 1:1 nutrition specific coaching!
Contact me to schedule a free, no-obligation call to discuss what program would fit your needs and goals best!
