What is Happening to My Body: How to Embrace the Seven Stages of Grief in Menopause

Introduction: Embracing Change with the Seven Stages of Grief in Menopause

Menopause is more than just a physical transition—it’s an emotional reckoning. As your body changes in ways you didn’t expect or ask for, you may find yourself mourning what once was. This isn’t vanity or weakness. It’s grief. And like any loss, it comes with stages—shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and finally, integration.

The concept of grief stages originates from the work of psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who first outlined the five stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying. Later, mental health professionals expanded the model to seven stages, acknowledging the complexity and fluidity of the grieving process. While originally used to describe grief associated with death and dying, these stages have been widely applied to many types of loss—including identity shifts, major life changes, and transitions like menopause.

But not all loss is clear-cut. Menopause brings with it a particular kind of grief known as ambiguous loss—grief that lacks closure, finality, or a clear endpoint. Yes, the menstrual cycle ends, but other changes are less defined. Weight fluctuations, shifts in body composition, disrupted sleep, changing skin, and a shifting sense of self—these changes happen gradually, unpredictably, and with no clear resolution. You may grieve the person you once were while still existing in a body that is very much alive, albeit unfamiliar.

In my work with women navigating midlife, I’ve found these stages—and the concept of ambiguous loss—to be profoundly helpful in understanding the deep emotional impact of body changes during menopause. The grief isn’t just about appearance—it’s about shifting identity, societal expectations, and the narratives we’ve internalized about worthiness, aging, and control.

This journey isn’t linear. You might cycle through these seven stages of grief in menopause more than once. But recognizing them and understanding how they show up in your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors—especially around food and dieting—can help you navigate them with more self-compassion. Let’s break it down.

The Prologue—Shock: Disorientation and Confusion

Shock: "What is happening to my body?"

One day, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror or feel a shift in your body’s energy. Maybe your clothes fit differently, or the scale registers a number that feels foreign. There’s a moment of disbelief. This can’t be right. Your body has always responded to effort and discipline—why does it feel like it’s betraying you now?

The shock often isn’t just about weight or shape; it’s about realizing that the rules you lived by—discipline equals results, effort equals control—no longer apply in the same way. This moment of disorientation can be profound.

I’ve experienced moments of shock like this many times in my life, to varying degrees, related and unrelated to menopause.

After a bike accident in 2019, coming off a high from completing two particularly challenging cycling events with a friend, I was reeling. Standing in front of my bathroom mirror one day, putting salve on the oozing facial wounds I suffered, I felt so many emotions. The first that registered was disgust. And immediately after, sorrow and compassion for the part of me that was so hung up on how my appearance had changed.

My face was different. My nose would be permanently scarred, a chunk of it ripped off by the pavement. And the recovery meant I could not be active like I had been before. I gained weight, and the emotional weight of my changing body hit me like a ton of bricks. Why such tension over my body that was working so hard to heal?!

These were moments of awakening I feel fortunate to have experienced because they’ve supported my ability to pivot and adapt as I go through the menopause transition. They were invitations to soften. Many women, however, react with control and tightening the grip.

Common Behaviors:

• Stepping on the scale repeatedly, hoping it will change.

• Restricting food impulsively in a desperate attempt to regain control.

• Over-exercising to “fix” what suddenly feels wrong.

  
  

Insight: 

Shock is a physiological response, not a failure on your part. Instead of reacting immediately, pause. Take a breath. Your body is not an emergency. Recognizing this moment as grief rather than panic can help ground you in self-compassion.

Stage 1—Denial: Recognizing the First Signs of the Seven Stages of Grief in Menopause

Denial: "This isn't happening."

You convince yourself it’s temporary. If you just tweak your diet, exercise harder, cut out sugar, intermittent fast—whatever the latest trend is—you can outsmart this. You push aside the reality that this is a natural progression of life.

Denial can be reinforced by societal messaging that tells women they should be able to control their bodies indefinitely. The belief that weight gain or body changes are a sign of failure—not biology—keeps many women stuck in this stage for years.

Common Behaviors:

• Jumping into a restrictive diet, convinced this will “fix” everything.

• Ignoring symptoms or pretending they don’t exist.

• Comparing yourself to your younger self, believing you just need to “get back” to that version of you.

  
  

Insight: 

Denial is a form of self-protection, but it keeps you stuck. What if, instead of trying to reverse time, you asked yourself, “How can I best support my body right now?” Shifting from control to care allows you to meet your body’s needs instead of fighting against them.

Stage 2: Anger: Unpacking the Emotional Surge

Anger: "Why is this happening to me?"

You did everything right. You followed the rules. You exercised, ate well, took care of yourself—so why is your body changing anyway? It feels unfair. You might direct your anger at yourself, at diet culture, at the wellness industry, at aging itself.

Common Behaviors:

• Self-criticism, calling yourself lazy or undisciplined.

• Lashing out at your body, punishing it with extreme dieting or exercise.

• Feeling resentful toward women who seem to “age better.”
  

Insight: 

Anger is valid. It’s a sign that something feels unjust. But instead of turning it inward, use it as fuel to challenge the harmful messages you’ve absorbed about aging and worthiness.

Stage 3—Bargaining: Questioning “What if?” in Menopause

Bargaining/Testing: "What if I try this instead?"

At this stage, you start experimenting. Maybe you explore strength training instead of relentless cardio. Perhaps you try intuitive eating, learning to listen to your body rather than control it. Testing is a bridge between resistance and adaptation—a time of trial and error as you seek new ways to relate to yourself.

Common Behaviors:

• Trying new movement practices that feel good rather than punitive.

• Exploring different ways of eating that support your energy rather than restrict you.

• Seeking out communities that affirm aging rather than fear it.
  

Insight: 

Testing is progress. It means you’re loosening the grip of old beliefs and making space for new possibilities. Be patient with yourself as you find what works for you.

Stage 4—Depression: Navigating Emotional Depths

Depression: “Will I ever feel like myself again?”

At some point in the menopause transition, the weight of it all settles in. The body changes, energy dips, and sleep becomes unpredictable. You might wake up exhausted despite doing everything “right.” The motivation that once came so easily feels like it’s slipping through your fingers. A sense of loss creeps in—loss of control, loss of identity, loss of a body that once felt familiar.

This stage of grief is often quiet, heavy, and isolating. It’s not just about sadness; it’s about the deep exhaustion of trying to hold on to what was. The realization that no amount of willpower can turn back the clock can feel devastating.

I remember the slow, sinking feeling when I could no longer rely on my usual rhythms. As someone who thrives on momentum, the unpredictability of menopause felt like a betrayal. One week, I could push through workouts and feel strong. The next, my body resisted in ways I didn’t recognize. Instead of adjusting, I spiraled into frustration and self-judgment, convinced I was just losing my edge.

There was a morning when I sat in my garage gym, lacing up my shoes, and I just… couldn’t. Not because I was injured or incapable, but because something inside me felt hollow. The joy had drained from something I once loved. And that’s when I realized: I wasn’t just tired. I was grieving.

Common Behaviors:

• Withdrawing from social activities due to low energy or body discomfort.

• Feeling disconnected from exercise, food, or self-care routines that once felt good.

• Criticizing yourself for “giving up” instead of recognizing the need for change.
  

Insight:

Depression in menopause is not a personal failure—it’s a natural part of the grief process. Instead of forcing yourself to “snap out of it,” acknowledge the loss. Give yourself permission to rest without guilt. This isn’t the end of your vitality; it’s a transition. And transitions require grace.

Stage 5—Acceptance: Finding Peace Amidst Change

Acceptance: "This is my body now."

Acceptance is often misunderstood as resignation—giving up. But true acceptance is about letting reality be, without resistance. It doesn’t mean you have to love every change, but it does mean you stop fighting yourself. You begin to respect your body for what it is rather than grip tightly to what it was.

Common Behaviors:

• Dressing for the body you have, not the body you used to have.

• Letting go of the scale as a measure of worth.

• Choosing self-care over self-punishment.
  

Insight:  Acceptance isn’t passive—it’s powerful. It frees up energy previously spent on resistance and redirects it toward a more meaningful, present life.

Stage 6—Integrating Your Experience: Daily Behaviors and Lessons Learned

Integration: “I am not defined solely by these changes.”

At this stage, you begin to weave together all the parts of your journey. Your body is no longer seen as a battleground, but as a canvas where every mark tells a story. It’s a time when the separate fragments of grief, loss, and growth merge into a cohesive narrative. Instead of mourning the past or fighting the inevitable changes, you start to embrace the entirety of your experience, recognizing that each phase contributes to the unique person you are becoming.

This phase is subtle yet powerful. I remember the moment when I finally stopped comparing my current self to the one I used to know. It wasn’t marked by a dramatic event, but by a series of small realizations—choosing a new style that celebrated rather than concealed my body, or pausing to appreciate the resilience that had carried me through earlier stages. In these everyday acts, I learned to integrate my feelings, my experiences, and my evolving body into a broader, richer sense of self.

Common Behaviors:

• Experimenting with new styles or routines that feel authentic to who you are now.

• Balancing self-reflection with forward movement, allowing for both introspection and growth.

• Sharing your journey with others, finding strength in vulnerability and mutual understanding.
  

Insight:

Integration is a celebration of your entire journey. It’s about recognizing that every stage, with its challenges and triumphs, contributes to a fuller, more resilient version of yourself. Embrace this phase as a time of continuous growth—a mosaic of experiences that together create a vibrant picture of who you are today.

Conclusion: Empowering Your Journey Through Menopause

Grief is messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal. But moving through it—rather than resisting it—allows you to rebuild a more peaceful, trusting relationship with your body. Each stage of grief in menopause isn’t just an ending; it’s also an opening to something new. A new way of relating to yourself, a new definition of strength, a new kind of self-acceptance.

If you’re in the thick of it, know this: you are not alone. And more importantly, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

As a coach, I help women break free from the exhausting cycle of body control, chronic dieting, and self-doubt. Together, we dismantle the barriers to self-trust, body wisdom, and emotional well-being—so you can finally feel at home in your body, at every stage.

If you’re ready to move beyond the endless pursuit of body perfection and into real self-acceptance, let’s talk. Your body deserves your kindness—now more than ever.

👉 [Learn How to Work with me]

🌿 Ready to Understand Your Menopause Mindset?

Grief in menopause isn't just emotional—it's also deeply tied to your beliefs, resilience, and the way you respond to change. If you're wondering how your inner world is shaping your experience of this transition, the Menopause Mindset Assessment is your next step.

This quick, insightful quiz helps you discover how empowered, supported, and self-compassionate you feel right now—and what to do next to move from surviving to thriving.

✨ Uncover your unique mindset profile ✨ Get personalized guidance based on your results ✨ Learn how to navigate menopause with more agency, clarity, and confidence

Take the first step toward redefining what’s possible in this season of life.

👉 👉[Download the free Menopause Mindset Assessment now!]