Why Women with a High-Achieving Personality, Big Lives, & Big Goals Secretly Struggle with an Unhealthy Relationship with Food (And How to Change It)!

Are you a high-achieving, ambitious, motivated, driven, disciplined woman in most areas of your life, but just can’t seem to get it together with food? Today we’ll discuss the reasons that so many women like you struggle with an unhealthy relationship with food and how you can change this!

Unhealthy Relationship with Food: The Wake-Up Call that Changed Everything

When I walked out of Student Health as a freshman in college after being told by the doctor that I was killing myself, I started approaching my relationship with food in the same way I’d been approaching the rest of my life.

As an ambitious, goal-oriented, perfectionist, I had skills.

I dominated school and academics.

I could set goals and achieve them.

I made rules for myself and stuck to them.

Discipline? Pfft. No problem.

I could easily put my head down and just do the work.

Studying and practice wasn’t an option- it was a must.

I was a 4.0 student on a full-ride scholarship, and accomplished singer, and from the outside looked like I had everything together.

I thought that those skills could be used for this area of my life too. Why not? They’d got me where I was.

(The irony of that statement is not lost on me!)

In the throes of a severely unhealthy relationship with food, my body, and exercise… that was killing me.

When Control Becomes a Trap

If you identify as a high-achieving, ambitious, motivated, driven, disciplined woman in most areas of your life, but just can’t seem to get it together in your relationship with food, you’re not alone.

As I shared recently with a woman I work with, in many areas of our lives, we take the approach of domination or control.

We set the goals, we make the plans, we do the work.

Rules are made and routines are followed.

We operate with a unidirectional approach.

We’re strong women and hold so much together.

Many people rely on us, and we want to please them.

Taking the lead and taking charge is important to us, and we don’t want to miss out.

We want to suck the marrow out of life!

We have SO MUCH TO GIVE!

And you know what else we do?

The Cost of Pushing Emotions Aside

We set our emotions aside in order to DO ALL THE THINGS.

And emotions…

They can’t be controlled or dominated.

They will demand to be felt.

But as a strong woman, you tough it out. You push forward.

You’re resilient and have a mindset of steel, right?

You try to NOT FEEL.

But the more you do this, the more you struggle in your relationship with food.

The Vicious Cycle of Control & Compensation

Your nervous system becomes dysregulated, and it will force release of the pressure.

For the women I work with, the release looks like reaching for food.

Strong, intense emotions —> FOOD!

Because how uncomfortable would it be, to admit that you need rest?

That it’s all become too much?

That you need support?!

And because you’ve got lots of rules around food and health or fitness...

Because you have high standards and expectations for your behavior...

You‘ll compensate by doubling down on the rules.

Causing more intense emotions.

Causing more stress!

And now you’re back to food. Reinforcing an unhealthy relationship with food.

It’s a vicious cycle.

Your Worth is Not in Your Achievements

Is your view of yourself based on externals?

Things like your work achievements, awards, fitness goals met, body composition numbers, bodyweight, finances, not relying on anybody?

Many women tie their worth to these things.

So when they acknowledge that they need emotional support, have real internal needs, and long for nourishment…

It means they’ve failed.

I want you to know something: I LOVE YOU, strong woman. I AM YOU, strong woman.

This cycle doesn’t have to continue.

You can be loved, led, nourished, cared for, and supported.

YOU CAN RECEIVE.

The Power of Softening

Rather than looking at this as relinquishing control, what was pivotal for me was to practice SOFTENING.

When it comes to food and our bodies, this means practicing a bi-directional approach.

• Rather than dominating the body, we practice trusting it.
• Rather than dominating our emotions, we practice leaning into them and taking them as cues for unmet needs.
• Rather than dominating food, we practice taking care of our eating with a bit more gentleness and flexibility.

I know this can sound scary when you’re so used to the type of GRIT, DISCIPLINE, DETERMINATION, and SELF-CONTROL that you’ve managed your life with.

But when you learn these new skills, not only do you feel a more empowered sense of control… you feel a sense of PEACE with it.

That’s possible for you.

What True Empowerment Looks Like

• To be able to meet your body’s needs on any given day based on where you are in your cycle.
• To feel connected to your body to know what foods would give it the best energy for whatever you’re involved in.
• To know how different emotions show up in your body and have the tools to trust them vs shut them down.
• To have a mind-body connection that allows for awareness of your internal state so you don’t need a diet or rigid food rules to inform your eating.
• To understand the cues your body is giving you for hunger, for fullness, for satisfaction, for rest, for connection, etc. and trust yourself to know what to do with them.

As a strong woman, to do these things you do not need to give up discipline.

Your gifts are beautiful. Your capacities are magical.

What we learn instead, is how to have GENTLE DISCIPLINE.

Gentle Discipline

Gentle Discipline: The Missing Piece

THIS is what you need to move out of the failure mindset when things don’t go perfectly.

It’s giving yourself what you give to everyone else in your life- kindness, respect, compassion, curiosity.

Why?

Because the process of healing starts with creating space to help your nervous system feel safe.

You cannot do this with just mindset work or just thinking differently, gritting your teeth, and trying harder.

IT.WON’T.WORK.

The Invitation to Exhale

This is my invitation to you, TO EXHALE.

To connect to your body in a way that allows for nourishment, trust, freedom, and the confidence to navigate food with spaciousness and ease.

You can overcome. You’ve already proven it.

Now we practice with more softness.

Here’s to GENTLE DISCIPLINE as you heal your relationship with food and your body.

Looking for More Support?

My 16-week Group Coaching program, The Confident Coping Without Food System, is specifically designed to build your Food & Body Freedom.

Will you join me?

Schedule a complimentary discovery call to learn more, share your goals, and get support on your path to a confident, trusting relationship with food!